that she is really starting to care for me so we just want to be friends. She says that she just came out of a bad relationship and is scared to get into another one. But she still comes on to me and I still spend the night with her, and we still play around a little. This woman is driving me nuts and I need to find a way to win her over or figure out what she is trying to do to me. Time is of the essence so if possible help me out, before I go bezerk.
Thank you,
totally nuts
Dear Nuts:
Well you're not totally nuts if you still say thank you. Ask her a few questions: Want to make love now? Want to be my girlfriend? Want to stop seeing each other? Then she gets two weeks to act like your girlfriend or get onto the next one. And guess what nuts? It's okay to talk to them.
August 25, 1997
Dear Sherry,
I recently faced a problem but don't know how to manage it. I have a girl friend for 5 years, but recently (about 1 month) I met another girl. We've been falling in love, but she doesn't know that I already have a girlfriend.
Now, If I give up my 5 year girl, then I think she'll be very upset and angry. I still love her and don't want to see her cry.
But I also love the new girl friend. What Can I do?
Thank you for your help :>
David
Dear David:
The truth is I'm only answering your letter because all the men I ever go out with are named David. That way I never get them mixed up. Probably if I meet one named Horace I get married. Guess what David? You've got to tell Miss Five Years that it's over and you hope you can remain friends in the future. Try, David, really try not to tell her it's because you met someone else. Just tell her it's over. Men aren't too good at that, especially men named David.
One who knows
August 24, 1997, 1997
I'm 21 and my name is Alexandra and I'm in love with a married man. Is a f...ing passion that I feel when I see him. The problem is that he tells me he feels the same way. He is my boss in my job. I've been working for him for a year and a half, but this feeling just borned (sic) between us both. We have never kissed and I'm not planning to 'cause he is 29 and his wife is having a baby.
Our eyes twinkle every time we see each other butwe can't do anything about it cause he is married. He says that he loves me and I tell him too. I'm dying of love or infatuation and I don't want to make a mistake!!!!! But it's like a electric shock to my heart every time I see him. What I like best of everything is that our professional level hasn't changed a bit. What has happened is that we are working better than ever. What should I do!!!!
Dear Twinkle Eyes:
You're not going to working together for long, I can guarantee that. Job romances are fun but the girl usually loses her job and the guy gets promoted. If this man were meant for you, he'd be single and able to take you out. How would you feel if you were having a baby and your husband fooled around with someone in his office? Instead of mooning over him, you could take an English course and become a better speller. I fixed your letter so you wouldn't be really weird online.
Sherry (I'm no angel)
August 23, 1997
My car broke down, I have a computer payment and a credit card payment, and how am I going to go to work, go to college and do all that with out having a car. I don't think that I could get anymore money from the bank to get a car, although I could afford it. I just don't think they would lend me anymore money. I am stuck with this, and it is worrying me a lot. I could use my parent's car but they need it to go to work. Things really suck for me right now.
Thanks for listening.
Dear NoCar:
Think how lucky you are. You're going to college and millions of other kids don't have the chance to do that. Let your car sit until you have enough money to catch up on your bills and get adjusted to college. I know and love three great children in my family who managed to get all through college without cars. Guess what? They're still alive and kicking in their twenties.
August 22, 1997
Help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am sick of my wife.
Dear !!!!!!!!!:
I can see why. You have a bit of trouble expressing yourself. Maybe you haven't talked to her for months and she turned off to you. Maybe you're sickening.
Sherry
August 18, 1997
My boyfriend and I have been together for 6 years now. He is a rock and roll drummer for a local band. Last week he got caught flirting with other women in the bar while I wasn't there. When I talked to him about it he said, "It's part of the job to let women feel they have a chance with him' because they will buy more drinks." I have never seen any of his other band buddies acting like that. I think it is bull and he is only using it as an excuse for the way he acts. We are not kids, I'm 39 and he is 40. I need to find out if I'm over reacting or if I need to KICK HIS ASS OUT. I am going crazy and would appreciate an answer soon. I have been just being quiet but I feel I'm going to blow any minute.
Thanks
Red1592
Hey Red:
Don't kick his ass out if you're angry after six years. Ask the owner of the club if it's part of the job. Then get your drummer to tell his side of the story. You tell him what you'll tolerate and what's impossible for you. Unfortunately, you'll find out how he really feels quickly. Maybe you won't like what you hear, but it's the first step to seeing what he's like.
August 17, 1997
I am recently married and deeply in love with my wife. She is fairly conservative in bed, but is opening up every day. I don't want to push her too far - but I have a fantasy (nearly an obsession) of having her be with another woman (possibly a threesome). Sometimes, when we watch erotic movies she seems to be turned on by lesbian scenes. However, I've casually brought up lesbians and she seems repulsed (outwardly, at least). I don't want to destroy what we've got, but can't help thinking of how exciting this would be.
How should I approach this subject?
Dear husband of Conservative Wife:
Well, first of all you need to lead up to these things slowly and lay the ground for it (no pun intended). Keep watching erotic movies and talk about what excites her. Perhaps you both could be with another woman who would join you both in love making but is not a lesbian. Is that so hard to imagine (no pun intended!!!)
May 27, 1997
Dear Sherry,
I am a 16 year old guy who is in love with a 16 year old girl... I have
been for a long time.... But she doesn't know.... here's the story:
About a year ago, I met Jessica. I met her at our church youth group.
At the time she didn't like me because I was doing drugs... But then I stopped and we pretty much fell for each other, but never went out, not even kiss... most of the time we would just hold each other and look up at the stars.
Then, she went to Connecticut suddenly and my best friend (at the time), Jon, convinced me she was all bad for me. When she came back, I had the idea in my head, and that was that. After Jon and I stopped hanging out, I fell back on drugs, and no one knew except my new best friend, Dominic. This was a couple months later, and I had already aquired my feelings for Jessica back. We did a lot of drugs a lot of the time, and he started going out with Jessica. She doesn't/didn't like the drug thing, but she thought, "at least he was honest with her." Now, I am done with drugs, and am feeling miserable... I cannot say anything to Jessica, I feel, because then Dominic would find out some way, and I'd be out one best friend, and got one new enemy. One I'd rather not have, because he is psycho, LOL... But If she doesn't find out, somehow, I feel I will surely die if we are not together. I don't know what to do??? What should I do?
Thanks,
Andy King
Dear Andy:
No question about it. You should clean up your act. Jessica doesn't need you at all. She doesn't need a guy who does drugs. She already has a psycho boyfriend. You can definitely live without her if you even decide to live at all. Do drugs if you wish. But don't expect some girl to think you're great. You'll just get a girl who thinks a drugged up guy is great. That's that.
Get moving,
Sherry
May 25, 1997
Okay, so this is a veritable serious problem, so strap into your advice seat, 'cause my road is bumpy. I am 18, female, and a recently discovered lesbian. I'm also deeply in love with an amazing girlfriend my age. She has fulfilled all the lyrics to every love song I've ever heard and more; she makes my life worth living.
My parents are very Christian, very against this love, and very making my life hell. My love and I were supposed go off to college this fall, but my parents threw a big Christian wrench into that. They made me defer for a year so that I can see a psychologist and realize that not only am I not gay, but homosexuality is a big fat sin.
Basically I'm stuck for another year. I'm working and trying to keep my head above my misery. Our love is so pure, something that they can never understand. Now I'm almost looking forward to this shrink. But I'm also worried that being apart so much, she'll find someone better. I feel a little better all ready and look eagerly forward to your response.
SINcerely, (sic)
kimberly
Dear Kimberly:
You're going to have to make plans to be independent and find and create your own identity. It's unlikely that your parents are going to accept your lesbianism for a while. You need a job and a place to live. You need not a psychiatrist but a counselor who will work with you and your family to find out what common goals you do have and what things you do share, and then identify the areas of your life which they cannot participate in. You need to set boundaries and they need to increase their tolerance and their ability to see you as a human being, and still their daughter no matter what you do in life. Don't worry about your girlfriend. Try to find the things that matter to you, that work for you, the common ground with your parents, and your own independence. Tell them that you are still a Christian and still believe in God and believe that God loves all her creatures.
Sherry
March 2, 1997
I do hope that you can help me. I've fallen really heavily for this guy, and while he occasionally bestows his company upon me, he rarely rings or makes any effort to talk to me. He says this is because he likes me but he is giving me time to get over my relationship. My friends say that this is just an excuse for him to take get out of having to date me seriously. The thing is, I'm actually a really attractive woman, and it was he that pursued me in the first place. When I didn't want him, he wanted me a lot more, and now that I've fallen for him, and see no point in hiding that fact from him, he plays hard to get. When I played hard to get too, he responded. Is there any way I can find out if this guy is genuine or not. He is a very secretive and passionate and deep person. I find him very noble, but most of my friends find him a joke. Am I just being blinded by love? What do you really think is happening?
A.
Dear A:
That's the old hunter instinct. Let him hunt you down. Avoid him. Ignore him. Let him leap and pant to get your attention. When he's got him, ignore him again. After you go through this four or five times, then sit down and talk to him. If he's a jerk, you'd better figure it out now. It took me decades!!!!!
Best,
Sherry
