Dear Veronica:
Maybe the key to your letter is "doing things for everyone else." Set aside a day or an afternoon or an evening a week for yourself. Do whatever (I said whatever!!) you want during that time. Think of it as a class where you will learn to do what you want and do things for yourself. You'll get through this if you don't blame your husband, kids, or the guy at the grocery store. Do something for Veronica!!!
Love, Sherry
July 26, 1996
Dear Sherry,
When I read the question by Miranda Knickerbocker I realized that I am not alone. I am 34 years old (well, OK, 35) and my mother still comments on my hair every time she sees me. As I am a male, i think that soon she will not have anything to talk about. In the meantime...do you think I will look good in a wig? My boyfriend might not like it. What do YOU think?
Edgaar de Cammembert
Dear Edgaar
Don't just get a wig! Get a whole wardrobe. Some for your boyfriend too. And when you visit your mother next time, wear your wigs. She'll never change. But you can!
Love, Sherry
July 15, 1996
Dear Sherry:
Okay so I'm not actually seeing this man anymore..but I have a question about it anyway.
I am 25, unmarried and the mother of one girl. I was having an affair with a married man who is 39 and has four kids. He left her for me.. twice, and each time things seemed fine right up until he announced he just 'had to give it one more try' with his wife. She knows about me (obviously since he got an apartment away from her and I talked to her on the phone about it) and yet she still wants him back. It has been nine months of back and forth. The reason I am writing is because I know he'll be back again. I dumped him this time - and I'm afraid that if he comes back with his divorce in order I'll take him back. Is he no good just because he had trouble deciding? Is he no good because he cheated on his wife and four kids? Or is he just a man in transition who should be given another chance?
"YO-YO"
Dear Yo-Yo
What else are you doing in life? Who is the father of your daughter? If you're 25 and your yo-yo is 39, what do you need him for? Do you have a job? Do you go to school? Try and do as much as you can with yourself and your life. Maybe as you become more confident and competent this guy will look like the jerk he is. Aren't you worried he'll do the same thing to you after four kids? Get some skills. Learn how to support yourself - especially if this is the kind of man you go for. And let him "transition" onto someone else.
Sherry
June 26, 1996
I am of a generation of women who have been labeled, categorized, studied, screened, scrutinized, and politicized to the point that, for many of us, any thing we would choose to do in our lives has been covered in the media, or will be soon. I am 39 years old, and I want to be _______________, but if I announce what that is I will no longer be unique, unusual, avante-garde, or otherwise different. Am I imagining this? Is it impossible to be anything more than a boring person, following the crowd?
Dear One of the Crowd.
We are all one of the crowd in some ways. And we are all unique in some ways. We all have reasons NOT to do what we really want and what we really are.
You'll never get anywhere until you start doing what you want. Then do a little more of what you want. Then a little more of what YOU want. Pretty soon you'll find yourself being the unique person that is you and you can make a web page that tells the world about it. Unless the real you is deep in the jungles of Botswana looking for.......
Sherry
June 25, 1996
Help. My girlfriend and I just broke up and I am miserable without her. We broke up on friendly terms and I think she still has feelings for me so I think that there is a chance that I could get her back. How do I get her back without scaring her off?
Please respond ASAP, time is of the essence.
Katz
Yes, Katz, time is of the essence. Just wait patiently. Let her know that you still care for her. Do this by calling her occasionally or sending her a note or a card or even flowers. Yes, flowers. But don't nag her, whin or bother her. If she likes you, she'll respond. If not, move on.
Sherry
June 17, 1996
Dear Sherry,
I've been married for a year and my wife appears to have no motivation or care in life. She sits at home all day and doesn't care to work (domestically or secularly), even after repeated polite requests for assistance. I am almost at the point of desperation. I cant get her excited about anything. Please help me.
hopeless guy
jcherry@javabooks.net
Dear Hopeless
Your wife may be suffering from depression, which prevents her from doing anything. If she is unwilling to go for counseling, try some way to get her to a family doctor. If you are unable to do that, go for counseling yourself to find out why you chose to marry this type of woman and to set an example for her that there are ways of dealing with problems that aren't too scary.
Sherry
May 8, 1996
My Ph.D. committee has gone berserk. They rattle on about how I need to do sample surveys. How do I make them stop?
Lynn, who thought she wanted to be a teacher until subjected to them for way too long.
Dear Lynn:
Your committee hasn't gone berserk. PhD committees ARE berserk by definition. Check out The Pluto Institute here at SherryArt as a way to make and publish surveys. We just make them up whenever we need them.
Otherwise get real. You want to be a teacher? Grit you teeth and do the surveys and the whole thing will be over in three months and you'll be a teacher. Just assume they are nuts (the committee) and don't waste energy fuming when you could be giving it to kids.
Best, Sherry (once married to an ABD - all but dissertation which I'm having trouble spelling)
April 3, 1996
Both my wife and I are young (20 and 24) as is our 11 month old little boy. We did not know each other for too long before the little boy came along. Our relationship was great until she had our little boy. That day my attraction grew for her 10 fold, and hers gets less and less every day. I work a lot a she might resent me for that; however I must do what it takes to support our family.
Latley she has wanted a lot of space. Through her honesty, she has told me she's been attracted to others but wants to hold a friendship with me. In the past few days she has said she loves me but finds being attracted is hard. We do talk and share a lot with each other. I love her more than you know (unconditionally) (forever)
Any advice would be appreciated.
Sincerely yours
CONFUSED
Dear Confused:
You are in a difficult situation where you will have to be very patient. Please cultivate all the good qualities in your wife like her honesty and her willingness to share things with you. Meanwhile, perhaps you should look at your own appearance and your own sexual behavior to see if there are ways in which you can become more attractive to her. You can also ask her if there are specific things (odor) that she finds unattractive. Meanwhile, be patient.
Sherry
October 9, 1995
I can't decide what color to paint my bedroom. I love hunter green, but I'm afraid it will take an HQ full of white paint to cover it later. What, oh what should I do!!!!
Peter
Paint it green. and later it will take a lot of white to cover it, but in between you'll be in the forest, have a distinctive room, and be way more original than white walls.
Sherry
Date: Thu, 05 Oct 95 22:58:26 -0700
From: David Oldenburg
Organization: St. Olaf College
To: advice@sherryart.com
Subject: Trash
I have some advice for you. Get a life! The crap that you write to losers who can't figure out their own lives makes me sick. If you think that you are not contributing directly to socital corruption and moral bankruptcy, then feel free to enlighten me about what makes your page worth the magnetic particles it's stored on.
David Oldenburg
David, does St. Olaf know you're reading this trash?
September 29, 1995
Dear SherryArt:
I'm 32 years old and I'm still in love with an old boyfriend. I never thought that I'd be one of those people who'd be hooked to one person, never having resolution until one of us marries another or we marry each other. But, that said, I am. I truly believe he is my soulmate and that he will be the father of my children. Yet, I was the one who broke up our 4/12-year relationship over 3 years ago.
I broke off the relationship because our communication was not good. My self esteem at the time was at an all time low and we had a very codependent relationship as a result. Since that time we have become great friends, communicate really well, and are still physically attracted to another (no we haven't slept together since the breakup). I have been dating others and I have had several satisfying relationships since, but, for the long term, I always compare them to him and they fall short. I want to be with him, but he doesn't want me. He says that he feels like he needs to date others. I think he is still hurt, and very wary of me and getting involved again. I still hold out hope though.
But I don't want to wait for him to: 1) find someone "better", 2) not find someone better and come back to me, or 3) not find someone else and not want me (which is kinda where we are now). I don't feel like I'm a masochist or that my self esteem is lacking in any way. In fact, I'm an attractive, well-educated, intelligent, artistic, witty woman with a great job and lots of friends. I don't know what kind of advice I'm looking for. Maybe just some words of wisdom. Can you part with any?
Thanks.
Kathleen
Kathleen - since it took me a year to answer this letter I guess you're doing fine by now. You have your self esteem and other dates. Yes, we can hold out for true love but he's got to appear, so hopefully by now he's either in or out, no pun intended, and you're on your way to bliss.
Sherry
October 4, 1995
Dear Sherry,
I'm a young guy who's been married just over a year to a great (and possibly perfect for me) girl. The problem is, we're both stupid and we fight a lot. For the most part, I can handle it. But after a while, it gets aggravating and depressing. I love this woman with all my heart, but I can't stand the fighting. Are we doomed, or just young and immature?
Regards,
Scott, you have one of the greatest qualities for success. You are (both) stupid. In order to be brilliantly successful, one has to be stupid BUT focused. Since you already are halfway there, develop a focus for your stupidity and you'll soon be amon the rich and famous, aka stupid but focused.
October 4, 1995
Sherry,
I am 23, single, with two kids from two different fathers. I am having a tough time with the dads. One lives here and the other lives over 1000 miles away in California. I have always wanted to move out of Montana and have a life. Shawn, the father here, says if I leave he will fight me for custody, yet at this point he spends maybe 3 hours a week with his 7 month old baby. Rob, my two year old's dad, just met Raelynn a couple of months ago. He wants to be a part of her life and be around her more. There is still something between us. What I would like to know is should I move out to California and tear Shawn away from Lyndi or should I stay here and let Raelynn know her dad over the phone? Help me.
From: username@mcn.net
Your battle is also half won. You have all the material. Now all you need is the talent. Become a country singer and write your first album about "Leavin the man I love for the man I hate," "My babies will be strangers to their dads," "Two men isn't (sic) better," and more. Good luck.
September 29, 1995.
Dear Sherry,
I had an ongoing affair with a married man for four years. His wife found out about it and issued an ultimatum. He is still with his wife. He says it's a matter of convenience, family and money, but he swears he loves me and begs me to be patient. He says that we will be together as soon as the time is right and he has had a chance to work things out. My sister says "I am a 'convenience' for him and I add a little excitement to his life. If he really loves me, he would end his marriage and marry me."
I don't want to believe this, but it's been six years. I am tired of waiting. I
am also married and would like to start making plans for my future. Can
you tell me what percentage of married men actually leave their wives and
marry their mistresses?
From: underground_editor@msn.com
Dear Underground:
What percentage of men leave their wives for their married girlfriends? Are you for real? .5%. That's five tenths of one percent. So if you had 1000 married guys with 1000 married girlfriends and .5% left their wives and married their girlfriends, that would be 5 guys. (From a 1994 study by The Pluto Institute).This couldn't possibly be what you really want. What good is a guy who cheats on his wife? Why won't he do it again? Then again, you're cheating on your husband. My theory was always that married people should have affairs with married people and singles with singles. So you're partly alright. Just keep up what you're doing but remember DNA testing. If there's a baby, Judge Ito will know who's DNA it is. Be careful.
September 22, 1995. Highbrow Attitude.
How thin SHOULD my eyebrows be?
Robinhold@aol.com
You have two choices. Shave your eyebrows, and then they're very thin indeed. Or let them grow really thick and try to get a job as a labor leader. Bushy, long, maybe highlighted a little bit. It's in all the books on how to get a job and follow your bliss. Bushy eyebrows will convince any employer to hire you. Why? Fear, attraction, mystery, confidence. F.A.M.C., the keys to success. If you're independently wealthy, shave them and redraw them in gold.
September 25, 1995
I'm 51 years old and my mother keeps telling me to fix my hair. How long does this go on?
Miranda Knickerbocker, NYC
If you are a product of the late fifties, your mother will ask you this question until she is 96 in a nursing home unless you take action right now. Possible choices? Shave your head. Wear a wig and throw it in her face when she asks you again. Wear a wig and ask her to comb your hair and get up and walk away, leaving her with the wig. Take her to a hairdresser with a computer makeover program and try on all different styles. Ask her what's wrong with her hair that day. If none of these things works, report her to the MHP, the Mother Hair Police.
September 21, 1995
My husband is treating prostate cancer with a combination of drugs, diet and alternative remedies. Our homeopathic doctor told him not to ejaculate during sex, but to conserve his sperm which is part of his life force. What do you recommend? I think the doctor is crazy, because this action would only make me, the wife, sick too.
Annabelle Lee, Rockland, Maine
Have no fear. Ejaculate away. You are absolutely right that curtailing one's sexual activity makes more problems than it solves. Besides, Congress recently defunded the Ejaculation Police clause in the National Decency Act because Newt Gingrich didn't know what the word meant.
September 15, 1995
I am a young lawyer negotiating a contract for my first job in a law firm. I have two years of experience clerking, including a federal Circuit Court of Appeals. While negotiating this employment contract, should I be really tough and bitchy and fight for every single thing I want and expect, or should I be docile and compliant because there aren't too many jobs out there?
Jael bet Sarai, Lincoln, Nebraska
That's a tough call sweetheart. One solution is to dress aggressively in stiletto heels, a push up bra, bright red lipstick and a $400 briefcase and use suggestive body language while talking all the time in a sweet little girl voice. Another possibility is to generously offer to work out the details and prepare the contract yourself. Then make it to your liking and whisk it by the partners after one of their three martini lunches. If they are healthier than that, get them after they jog and the endorphins are high. Or you could get quotes from other firms in similar positions and have the quotes faxed to your office for all to see.
