'Helpful' Hints:
Picking a Subject
For Your Multimedia Title.

At last, money is blowing through the gulch like tumble weed, and it's time to harvest your share and produce your own multimedia title. What should the title be about? Here are some tips to help blend in with the herd.

If you are producing a CDROM you have to pick a topic. I know, I sense your panic. You have all your software and your equipment ready to go. The interns are chomping at the bit to start creating your demo. Your funding is all lined up. But you forgot that the CDROM will have to be about something! Relax. I am going to help you. I promise if you follow these simple guidelines you will not stick out. You will be able to find a suitable topic and no one will laugh at you. Take a deep breath. Remember that the underlying idea behind your title is really only a very small part of what you are doing, and it is a very simple part. There are several ways to go about it.

1. One way is to make sure that your topic is specific. You don't have a lot of room on these CDROM things, so go for something you can really cover. Pick an animal you really like or a sport that interests you. So what if no one else buys it? The idea here is not to impart useful information; it is to do something you enjoy for a year or two. Some sample titles might be:
   Bush: His Most Stressful Week
   The Multimedia Golf Handbook
   Sandwiches of the Bay Area
   Tattoos!
   Madonna EXPOSED
   THE NICKEL CDROM. (Hey that's pretty good. THE NICKEL CDROM. You can't use that. That's mine. I thought of it first.)

2. Another way of choosing a topic (my favorite) is to pick something that you already have the content for. For instance, if you happen to have 500 pictures of feet, you could just scan them in and make a CDROM title called FEET!! It might take you a little time to scan them all in (get an intern), but after that its just mere moments until the money starts rolling in! If you don't have pictures of feet just ask a podiatrist. Heck, heÕll probably give them to you for free just because you actually want them! Think of titles you know you have the content for already or can get access to easily. Sample titles might be:
   My Family
   Collected Works of: Authors-Whose-Copyrights-Have-Expired
   The CDROM of Household Items
   Pieces of Art No One Else Wanted Made By My Friends
   The Best Pepsi Ads Ever!

3. The third way you could pick a topic is to pick something so impossibly broad that you can get information on anything and no one will expect you to actually explain it fully anyway. Good samples of these topic are:
   Science!
   The Complete History of Man
   Food Food Food!
   The Interactive Whole Wide World And Everything In It
   Dreams: What are all of them about and what do they all mean?

4. If you are producing a game title you don't need a topic as long as its set in space or a haunted house. The real topic of your game is what you did to make it! Easy!

   You see, the best thing about doing a game CDROM is that you are supposed to lose money on it! You can't have a really good game unless you spend about a million dollars at least. Your chances of making that up are just about nothing. But the spending is the really important part anyway. People will judge you and your game by how much money was spent on it. They will also judge it by how much hardware and software you used and how current it all is. So make sure to go down to the computer store and write down the name of every single program and piece of hardware and 'describe' how you used them all in your piece. Be creative.

   It is also vitally important to hype your product (topic) as much as you can for as long as you can. This ensures that you will get more support in the future for big budget money losing endeavors. "Hey, aren't you the guy that did that huge two million dollar CDROM Anotherspacegame? That game got more press than any other CDROM on the market and you used just about every damn piece of software on the planet! Hey, listen. How'd you like to work with us on this big multimillion dollar gig we got going? By the way, when does Anotherspacegame actually come out?"

   To help hype your game, demo it everywhere. As a bonus you could become a celebrity! Do not release it until it is obsolete; then work on it some more to make it current again. Repeat forever if you can get away with it or until someone makes you a better offer.

5. Edutainment titles are no problem. Simply license a character to 'teach' either math or reading. Better yet, make up your own. Some sample titles are:
   Uncle Wiggley's Reading Cubby
   Simon Spaceman's Reading Spaceship
   Kooka Bear's Reading Forest
   Peter Pan's Reading Adventure
   If you want to get a little creative try something like this: Crazy Dazy's Room of Reading.

   You see how easy this is? You don't even have to teach them to read. Just put in a lot of comic strips that they can click on and 'read along with.' You can put in the alphabet or something too if you are feeling industrious and have time before the Christmas season begins.

6. This is the easiest of them all. Get a publication that already exists, scan it in, and sell it! What could be easier?

Things to Avoid:

1. Never pick topics that might be socially relevant. The multimedia community (the only ones that will buy your project) will hate you for it. They will know that you are not a cool, detached, multimedia, technology-type person. It will show where your true sympathies lie. Avoid human issues. Dwell on your technology. If you do have to pick a topic that is human-related or relevant, try to gloss over it. If there is any technology involved, focus all of your attention on that.

2. Art will make your customers uncomfortable. Avoid it at all costs. Whatever your title is, rely only on computer techniques that your audience doesn't have to give your title the right computer 'feel.' This is especially important on game titles. Get the programmer on your team to design the interface. Never hire any artists. They will only cause you trouble. Hire people who know how to use the programs you have to do the art. This will ensure that your backgrounds and layouts will be poorly designed and have no aesthetic value at all and will appeal to the majority of your customers. (Do the same with your soundtrack)

3. Never test your title on its target audience. Come on. What a waste of time that is. Everyone knows kids want to learn about Mung Beans. Why ask them?

4. Never pick a subject that people might actually find useful like... uhhhh... uhm... Well, just don't do it. It will make your title seem like work. And who would pay for that? Keep your titles light and totally irrelevant to peoples' lives. If you are stuck with an informational title that is actually useful, be sure to charge at least 500% more for it since you will not sell as many copies (and there might actually be someone out there who really NEEDS it).

5. Avoid trying new things. I strongly advise that after you pick a topic for your CDROM you check out other CDROM titles to find one that is almost the same as yours. If you can't find a similar one, maybe you better pick another topic.

6. If you follow these guidelines your title will be sure to compare to the other fine CDROMs appearing everywhere. No one will be able to pick you out from the crowd and ridicule you. Remember, if you are like everyone else, then no one can attack you without attacking everyone. Doesn't that feel good? Now go out there and MAKE THAT TITLE!!

[Disclaimer: If anything in this piece bears a resemblance to reality, its probably just because I couldn't come up with anything more entertaining, although I tried. If you find yourself jotting down notes on the above, email me, Reed Berkowitz, and we can set up an appointment.]

©1994 Reed Berkowitz. Return to NewStory